Halloween at Nanas turned out to be Ryan’s worst halloween ever, according to him. Won’t get into details, but this was an email I sent to you that night. Thank you for being a strong mom Ania…

—————————————————

I am sorry today sucked for you. I am sorry it drained so much out of you. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was so excited to be home celebrating Halloween with new ideas. I was so excited to see Ryan all dressed up. I was ready to have a good time as a family. And then all of this happened. He cried. You cried. And once again I am left trying to figure out the right things to do or say when apparently I can’t do anything that’ll make the pain go away.

But I want to say thank you for being strong for Ryan today. He is lucky to have you as a mother. I don’t know why he feels like I don’t appreciate or want him. I don’t know why he got upset with me today when even you pointed out that I had nothing to do with the moving of the decorations. It baffles me. One of the biggest things I try to instill in him is appreciation. I know whatever is going on is layers deep. And I know he will continue to confide in you for guidance. Me…well, he may grow up one day hating me. But in the end I will forever love him and you, and will always have his best interests at heart. I hope one day he will understand that, and love me back for it.

Thank you for being the strong mom you are. I don’t know what I would do without you.