As of the date I’m writing this (January 25, 2015), we unfortunately are no longer in communication with each other. By my own choice, it has been just over a year since I’ve last spoken or heard from either of you.
As you know I sent you both a message in the beginning of 2014 basically severing our relationship. But I never thoroughly explained why. So I’m hoping that through this simple message, you might understand where I was coming from.
First and foremost, we will always be brothers and I will always hold a place for you both in my heart. Growing up we all created some ‘memorable moments’ with each other that I will never forget. And though we are worlds apart at the moment, maybe someday we will reunite again and continue our journey.
I am not going to cite any specific incidents that made me come to this decision. Because in fact, there weren’t any. There was no ‘one thing’ either of you did that brought me to this decision. Instead, it was really just a culmination of multiple events over our lifetime that I eventually got fed up with. Many of these events I don’t even remember. But what I do remember is the way they made me feel.
It wasn’t until I became a father that these things started to affect me. Neither of you showed any care or concern for us as family. Whenever we’d visit or come together, how many times would you play with Ryan like I would always try to do when I saw your kids? How often would you ask us about OUR life? How many times did you ask questions about our careers other than ”how’s work?” When mom once told you both that she believes I am in a depression state, did either of you do anything to show support or help?
Christian: how many times did you come through for Ryan on his special days…bothering to make a simple phone call or send a card on his birthdays? Patrick: did you ever feel ANY remorse for blaming me about the incidents that happening between Ania and Jenn during Uncle Scotty’s re-union, making me feel like I was the root cause of it all. You would drive hours on your trips to visit Tony or Athena. Yet did you ever even WANT to stop and see me for lunch in all those trips you made to NJ?
We all know the answers to the above. And the list just goes on and on. But if I had to list a catalyst that forced me over the edge, it was your treatment towards mom.
Despite what you may think, despite everything you’ve put her through, we always supported your relationship with her. We would always ask if she’d heard from you or if she has any plans to visit you. There were Sundays when we offered to drive her and visit you for the day. We always tried to bring up the positive. But again, at the times she needed you the most, where were you!??
The death of Bob. The death of Scotty. The death of George. Where were you? Their losses affected mom more than you know. And what about the tens of thousands of dollars she’s given you both to bail you out of a jam, or support you in times of need? Have either of you EVER made any attempt to pay her back or somehow make it right?
Despite how far away you both live, did you ever once think about doing something nice for her during the week? Maybe having flowers sent to Clemente? Or ordering a pizza delivery for her one night at dinner? Or hiring a personal chef to cook for her on a Sunday? Or getting her a car service for work one day so she didn’t have to drive?
And my biggest issue – why the hell did you both stop talking to her!!?? She had NOTHING to do with my decision to break all ties with you. I didn’t even include her in the original correspondence. And yet both of you somehow blame her for what happened? And punish her by cutting ties as well? The one woman who busted her ass during the shittiest of all divorces to give you the life you now have. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!??
Like I said, I’m not going to start citing each specific incident that brought me to this conclusion. But in the end, I grew tired. I grew tired of the lies, I grew tired of everyone being ‘fake’ and then talking about us the moment we’d leave, and just plain tired of the lack of support either of you showed for us. We would drop everything in a moment’s notice to help and your kids. We would go out our way countless times just to visit you or be there…especially in a time of need. And yet we were never a consideration. We were never on the first, second, or even the 9th blip on your radar.
So for the sanity of my own well-being, I made the decision enough was enough. There was no longer the need to continue the ongoing drama that began affecting my health. For the sake of focusing on my future and my immediate family, it was time to end it.
I don’t expect either of you to have any sympathy for me. I imagine you are both reading this with disgust, probably questioning many of the things I cited above. But these are my feelings. This is why it had to end. Neither of you will fully understand them, and you probably never will. You’ll look for every counter-excuse in the book, and likely cite many of the things I might of done as well. I realize I am no saint. I realize no one is perfect. But I always felt like the outcast. Like the one who didn’t belong. So perhaps it was my destiny to break away on my own.
Whatever the case, the love as a brother never stopped. The love was always there. I would think of you both practically every single day. I would wonder where you were, wonder where life was taking you, and wonder how your kids were doing. I have no ill-feelings towards either of you. You might be surprised to hear that I am at peace with my decisions. I am on my own path now, and wish you both nothing but the best as you continue your journey in life.